Assignment #14: Refelcting on Leadership For Change

The Sound Bite: I have learned that it is impossible to shoot for your dream if you don't define it first.

Personal Reflection: I feel pretty amazed and stupid at the same time. I feel amazed because this class has taught me that all dreams are achievable with a little organization. I feel stupid cause I am going through a inner battle where I don't value myself or my abilities, combined with loss of focus. I would also like to throw in frustrated. I have realized that not only do I suck at keeping relationships alive, my friends don't really have any ambitions. They are mostly selfish and not thinking that anyone can do anything that is outside of normal (going to work and coming home to watch tv and eat dinner).

1. I have grown this semester in several ways. I have identified why my mother's loss was so crippling for me, a breakthrough in and of itself. I have realized that my friends lean on me and it is NEVER the other way around. Mostly because I don't trust them not to take advantage of my vulnerabilities. I have just really realized that NO ONE can do it by themselves. I have also realized that being a perfectionist is not always a good thing.

2. My thinking has changed a little. I was always told that I could do anything that I put my mind to. What no one told me is that it is sooooo hard to eliminate the distractions that hold so much space in the brain that they need to pay rent. I need to return to my younger self when it was easier for me to eliminate the "pretty demon". The distraction that doesn't fancy itself as a distraction and actually tells you that its helping you. Especially when you know in your heart that is the farthest thing from the truth. However, more ready to do it without the distractions, no matter how close or far.

3. Planning without a doubt. I was so used to following protocol blindly I didn't even know what the hell to do if it wasn't already on an established list. My planning still sucks because my execution is not what it should be but I will take all the things that I learned in this class into my future and make it better. Not watching television in every free moment that I had was very good too. Makes you realize how much of a waste of time it is.

4. 3 Things That I LIKED
- The exercise where people were "forced" to say something nice about you. We spend so much time tearing each other down (crabs in a barrel), it was nice that people actually observe the good things. In addition to DEFINING YOUR TOUCHSTONE. That was so critical in my time in this class. I think that the touchstone is more important than the dream itself (as long as you have a dream).
- The Barbara Sher book was so cool. Makes you see that your dreams are not as out of reach as you would like to think. It also gives you a framework about how to achieve those things. I would have liked to have read that book at 18.
- Talking to like minded people. Self-explanatory.
- Blogging. Excellent way to go back and monitor how you have progressed/changed.

5. 3Things I Liked Least
- Class size was a problem at times. Probably could have been over come if people were willing to share genuinely versus doing it for a grade.
- Sometimes the readings left a lot to be desired. Informative but sometime disconnected and hard to read.
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6. 3 Suggested Improvements
- Preset (smaller) Class Size
- I agree with DR. Rock about the panels. Earlier and more frequently.

Assignment #13

Exercise 1:
Unfortunately, I was a bit under the weather last week. I had to put all things on hold and rest. I do feel rejuvenated. As always, my period of rest came at a bad time. Your body definitely takes over when you don't take care of it. But there were some good things to come out of this week for me. Mainly, the high blood pressure pill (mild hypertension as the professionals call it) will remain at the same low dosage. Guess that means that I am doing something right. In addition to diet and exercise changes, I am 294lbs (11 less than my last dr's visit 30 days previous).

Exercise 2:
I was not able to meet with my buddy before it was time to post this week. I saw my buddy this week but it had everything to do with her business. She is an Editor and part owner of www.defculture.org. So we will meet later in the week. This will be good for me. I need to be accountable to someone. It is ridiculous that it took me taking this class to discover somethings about myself.
A small portion to this is also that I don't expect people to do things for me. But this not true because I went to a concert (where I saw my buddy)FOR FREE. And it was my favorite group (De La Soul) EVER!!





Exercise 3:
This will be easy. This week I have a 3-5 paper to do. Got homework that was do Monday but was extended for my illness. Past that research for a paper that is stopping me from graduation.

Assignment #11

My planning wall was not as detailed as it should have been. But one of the steps was getting into graduate school. The first step is applying. This week my only goal was to find out if I could apply to graduate school starting in the fall. I decided (after 2 professors "gently suggested") to pick up the phone and call the person in charge of admissions. He gave me good news. I didn't miss the deadline. I still have time to get my act together. I have much to do to prepare though. The beauty is I still have time.

The second part of this assignment is a work in progress. I blogged last week about finding the things that hold me back. The hard thing is moving through them. Wish me good fortune on this. I am going to say that right now...biggest obstacle is asking for help. People have for the most part assumed that I don't need it. It makes it even harder to ask for help from people that I don't know.


P.S. I am SURPRISED that I have reached 2 VERY busy professors on the PHONE!!!

Assignment #10

This week I was supposed to be on a mission. While, that wasn't quite achieved, there were some major breakthroughs for me while I wasn't in class.

Last blog, I mentioned that I had an interview the day after class. That happened. I waited for an hour for her to return from a meeting and almost left. Waiting for people is one of my pet peeves. Anyways, I am glad that I did wait. The interview was weird because I was expecting things to fall out of the sky. They did not. We had general conversation. I did find out some interesting things.
1. We both decided that being an Urban Planner was the way to go after losing a parent to cancer.
2. I pretty much know what I want to do and the way to do it.
3. Discovered 3 things* that really hold me back from being the best person that I can be.
4. Deadline for applying for Graduate School (MUPP). It was 3/15/2009. The other program: I have not contacted the person in charge of admissions. He emailed me the info about 2 weeks ago but never told me the deadline. My interviewee (Professor Janet L. Smith) tried to go online with no success. Suggested that I call. It was a pretty damn good idea. I will do it Thursday when I suspect that he will be there.

*There are 3 things that hold me back. I probably already knew them but saying them to other people is a bit of a breakthrough. The real breakthrough comes a little later. Anyways the 3 things that hold me back:
- I am a procrastinator
- I don't like to ask for help
- I shut down at some of the most inopportune times.
The last one was the biggest breakthrough of all. When my mother was alive, I had someone to kick me in the ass to get moving if not move for me. This is getting to the core of why losing her was such a crippling loss for me. Might have discovered that sooner had I stuck to therapy. This is not therapy so I will stop here. It is good to know the information. I can process it and make changes. In the words of a famous cartoon, "And knowing is half the battle".

As for the things that I promised to do before next class:
1. Contact Hazel Brown. Not done but the information that I would have gotten from her was given to me.
2. Email Andrew Greenlee. Not done but I saw him when I was waiting for my interview the day after class.
3. Set up at least on more interview besides the one on Thursday. I am actually waiting on Andrew to email me with a list of UIC professors that have real world experience and receptive to a meeting with me.
4. Half of personal statement. Writing it as we speak.

Planning Wall

Although I drew out the plan in about 15 minutes, there were many thoughts running through my head as I did it.

Although I want to be a "planner" for a living, planning my own life has proven to be quite hard. There are so many things that just assumed. But writing a plan means that there has to be a Plan B. Quite truthfully, I haven't thought that far in advance. That means that I have to get over with plan A. Writing this down also gives you a timetable about when things should happen. It is a great opportunity to see if you are moving forward or if you are letting your fears and phobias get the best of you. I just wish that this exercise had come much earlier in my life. It would have allowed me to focus on a PARTICULAR goal. This is important because without that, you are just going thru the motions. I didn't want to wake up at 50 and say GOTDAMMIT...I hate my job and where the hell is my life. But I was well on my way because I was doing the things that I was supposed to do like go to school and get a job...Blah, blah, blah. Nobody ever tells you to find your passion and pursue it. That is the key. Anyways, enough with my babbling.

I can't find any pictures of my role models. Amazing...only two people come to mind. One is a professor at UIC! I have added her to the role model list because I admire her work. And she works sorta around the area that I see myself in.

Update: I now have two role models. Jane Jacobs (pictured top left at age 81) and Janet L. Smith.

Interviews...1 down and 1Thusday

I blogged before that reaching out to other people is hard. And it is. The thing is that reaching out only helps you now and in the future. Barbara Sher was right. In people's heart of hearts, they want to help someone achieve their goals. The thing about getting help is in the seriousness and intensity the person you are reaching out sees in you. With that said, I had my first interview today. Although the person that I interviewed is a Ph.D student, he has been out in the field. And as a Ph.D student, we were able to talk about the LARGE disconnect between what academia teaches and what occurs in practice. Basically, they are not the same.

The conversation that we had today was quite enlightening. I didn't even take notes. It was amazing that he could really center and get to the point. There are many different areas of planning. His major piece of advice to me was to: 1. Find the area that will be the most fulfilling to me. This means that I need to decide what areas I really want to see change in. I have already decided that: its Real Estate. The second thing is to find my voice. He was telling me that there is an inner battle against making actual change and going to work everyday. Of course, i could graduate and get a job as a Planner 1. In this capacity, I would be ensure that plans that were already crafted met certain regulations that are already in place. As he says, "I didn't spend all this damn money to be a glorified paper pusher".
The second portion of finding your voice is balance. The balance between speaking your mind and keeping your job. There are many interests that need to be served when planning is involved. If you speak up against the wrong interest, you may find that your services will no longer be needed. So according to Andrew J. Greenlee, the guy that I interviewed, I need to find a way to voice my opinions and try to create change and following the dictates of the people that I am hired to serve.

Another thing that we discussed is networking. Mostly, the importance of it. The beginning of the connection is just that: the beginning. These relationships that we are establishing need to be maintained. In this manner, we can gain advantages or information that will help us well after if not years after the initial connection. (because maintaining the relationship will keep you on the brain for future endeavors) Because he, as everyone else says, " it is not what you know but who you know.

This was a great interview. I am sooooo happy that I did this. It will encourage me to do more in the future.

Interview...The hell is that???

I am facing it. It is quite difficult to reach out to people outside of your network. I have shot out plenty of emails most of which, appear to be unanswered. Followed all the tips that I learned in BA200:

1. Subject is a direct link to what the email is regarding.
2. Be short and concise.

Waiting has proven to be torture. Can't give up because this is my future. All I can do is what I know. Everything else will have to fall into line. Hoping that my grade doesn't take a hit because I am waiting on other people.

On the other hand, I have trillions of pursuits. In the exercises where we had to list the five lives that we would like to have, one of mine is was a writer. I love to write. It especially feels good when I can see it in print. Actually, I write for an on-line hip-hop magazine. Although, in infancy, the CEO's goal is to make it a Wikipedia for Hip-Hop. The website is in the works. For now, there is just a blog until the website is up and running.

So, I guess that Barbara Sher was right. You can have more than 1 life at a time. On that note, I am published. It is nothing but a record review but you can't start at the top, right? There is also a blog that I am linking you to. Feel free to check it out and excuse the swears.