Assignment #14: Refelcting on Leadership For Change

The Sound Bite: I have learned that it is impossible to shoot for your dream if you don't define it first.

Personal Reflection: I feel pretty amazed and stupid at the same time. I feel amazed because this class has taught me that all dreams are achievable with a little organization. I feel stupid cause I am going through a inner battle where I don't value myself or my abilities, combined with loss of focus. I would also like to throw in frustrated. I have realized that not only do I suck at keeping relationships alive, my friends don't really have any ambitions. They are mostly selfish and not thinking that anyone can do anything that is outside of normal (going to work and coming home to watch tv and eat dinner).

1. I have grown this semester in several ways. I have identified why my mother's loss was so crippling for me, a breakthrough in and of itself. I have realized that my friends lean on me and it is NEVER the other way around. Mostly because I don't trust them not to take advantage of my vulnerabilities. I have just really realized that NO ONE can do it by themselves. I have also realized that being a perfectionist is not always a good thing.

2. My thinking has changed a little. I was always told that I could do anything that I put my mind to. What no one told me is that it is sooooo hard to eliminate the distractions that hold so much space in the brain that they need to pay rent. I need to return to my younger self when it was easier for me to eliminate the "pretty demon". The distraction that doesn't fancy itself as a distraction and actually tells you that its helping you. Especially when you know in your heart that is the farthest thing from the truth. However, more ready to do it without the distractions, no matter how close or far.

3. Planning without a doubt. I was so used to following protocol blindly I didn't even know what the hell to do if it wasn't already on an established list. My planning still sucks because my execution is not what it should be but I will take all the things that I learned in this class into my future and make it better. Not watching television in every free moment that I had was very good too. Makes you realize how much of a waste of time it is.

4. 3 Things That I LIKED
- The exercise where people were "forced" to say something nice about you. We spend so much time tearing each other down (crabs in a barrel), it was nice that people actually observe the good things. In addition to DEFINING YOUR TOUCHSTONE. That was so critical in my time in this class. I think that the touchstone is more important than the dream itself (as long as you have a dream).
- The Barbara Sher book was so cool. Makes you see that your dreams are not as out of reach as you would like to think. It also gives you a framework about how to achieve those things. I would have liked to have read that book at 18.
- Talking to like minded people. Self-explanatory.
- Blogging. Excellent way to go back and monitor how you have progressed/changed.

5. 3Things I Liked Least
- Class size was a problem at times. Probably could have been over come if people were willing to share genuinely versus doing it for a grade.
- Sometimes the readings left a lot to be desired. Informative but sometime disconnected and hard to read.
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6. 3 Suggested Improvements
- Preset (smaller) Class Size
- I agree with DR. Rock about the panels. Earlier and more frequently.

Assignment #13

Exercise 1:
Unfortunately, I was a bit under the weather last week. I had to put all things on hold and rest. I do feel rejuvenated. As always, my period of rest came at a bad time. Your body definitely takes over when you don't take care of it. But there were some good things to come out of this week for me. Mainly, the high blood pressure pill (mild hypertension as the professionals call it) will remain at the same low dosage. Guess that means that I am doing something right. In addition to diet and exercise changes, I am 294lbs (11 less than my last dr's visit 30 days previous).

Exercise 2:
I was not able to meet with my buddy before it was time to post this week. I saw my buddy this week but it had everything to do with her business. She is an Editor and part owner of www.defculture.org. So we will meet later in the week. This will be good for me. I need to be accountable to someone. It is ridiculous that it took me taking this class to discover somethings about myself.
A small portion to this is also that I don't expect people to do things for me. But this not true because I went to a concert (where I saw my buddy)FOR FREE. And it was my favorite group (De La Soul) EVER!!





Exercise 3:
This will be easy. This week I have a 3-5 paper to do. Got homework that was do Monday but was extended for my illness. Past that research for a paper that is stopping me from graduation.

Assignment #11

My planning wall was not as detailed as it should have been. But one of the steps was getting into graduate school. The first step is applying. This week my only goal was to find out if I could apply to graduate school starting in the fall. I decided (after 2 professors "gently suggested") to pick up the phone and call the person in charge of admissions. He gave me good news. I didn't miss the deadline. I still have time to get my act together. I have much to do to prepare though. The beauty is I still have time.

The second part of this assignment is a work in progress. I blogged last week about finding the things that hold me back. The hard thing is moving through them. Wish me good fortune on this. I am going to say that right now...biggest obstacle is asking for help. People have for the most part assumed that I don't need it. It makes it even harder to ask for help from people that I don't know.


P.S. I am SURPRISED that I have reached 2 VERY busy professors on the PHONE!!!

Assignment #10

This week I was supposed to be on a mission. While, that wasn't quite achieved, there were some major breakthroughs for me while I wasn't in class.

Last blog, I mentioned that I had an interview the day after class. That happened. I waited for an hour for her to return from a meeting and almost left. Waiting for people is one of my pet peeves. Anyways, I am glad that I did wait. The interview was weird because I was expecting things to fall out of the sky. They did not. We had general conversation. I did find out some interesting things.
1. We both decided that being an Urban Planner was the way to go after losing a parent to cancer.
2. I pretty much know what I want to do and the way to do it.
3. Discovered 3 things* that really hold me back from being the best person that I can be.
4. Deadline for applying for Graduate School (MUPP). It was 3/15/2009. The other program: I have not contacted the person in charge of admissions. He emailed me the info about 2 weeks ago but never told me the deadline. My interviewee (Professor Janet L. Smith) tried to go online with no success. Suggested that I call. It was a pretty damn good idea. I will do it Thursday when I suspect that he will be there.

*There are 3 things that hold me back. I probably already knew them but saying them to other people is a bit of a breakthrough. The real breakthrough comes a little later. Anyways the 3 things that hold me back:
- I am a procrastinator
- I don't like to ask for help
- I shut down at some of the most inopportune times.
The last one was the biggest breakthrough of all. When my mother was alive, I had someone to kick me in the ass to get moving if not move for me. This is getting to the core of why losing her was such a crippling loss for me. Might have discovered that sooner had I stuck to therapy. This is not therapy so I will stop here. It is good to know the information. I can process it and make changes. In the words of a famous cartoon, "And knowing is half the battle".

As for the things that I promised to do before next class:
1. Contact Hazel Brown. Not done but the information that I would have gotten from her was given to me.
2. Email Andrew Greenlee. Not done but I saw him when I was waiting for my interview the day after class.
3. Set up at least on more interview besides the one on Thursday. I am actually waiting on Andrew to email me with a list of UIC professors that have real world experience and receptive to a meeting with me.
4. Half of personal statement. Writing it as we speak.

Planning Wall

Although I drew out the plan in about 15 minutes, there were many thoughts running through my head as I did it.

Although I want to be a "planner" for a living, planning my own life has proven to be quite hard. There are so many things that just assumed. But writing a plan means that there has to be a Plan B. Quite truthfully, I haven't thought that far in advance. That means that I have to get over with plan A. Writing this down also gives you a timetable about when things should happen. It is a great opportunity to see if you are moving forward or if you are letting your fears and phobias get the best of you. I just wish that this exercise had come much earlier in my life. It would have allowed me to focus on a PARTICULAR goal. This is important because without that, you are just going thru the motions. I didn't want to wake up at 50 and say GOTDAMMIT...I hate my job and where the hell is my life. But I was well on my way because I was doing the things that I was supposed to do like go to school and get a job...Blah, blah, blah. Nobody ever tells you to find your passion and pursue it. That is the key. Anyways, enough with my babbling.

I can't find any pictures of my role models. Amazing...only two people come to mind. One is a professor at UIC! I have added her to the role model list because I admire her work. And she works sorta around the area that I see myself in.

Update: I now have two role models. Jane Jacobs (pictured top left at age 81) and Janet L. Smith.

Interviews...1 down and 1Thusday

I blogged before that reaching out to other people is hard. And it is. The thing is that reaching out only helps you now and in the future. Barbara Sher was right. In people's heart of hearts, they want to help someone achieve their goals. The thing about getting help is in the seriousness and intensity the person you are reaching out sees in you. With that said, I had my first interview today. Although the person that I interviewed is a Ph.D student, he has been out in the field. And as a Ph.D student, we were able to talk about the LARGE disconnect between what academia teaches and what occurs in practice. Basically, they are not the same.

The conversation that we had today was quite enlightening. I didn't even take notes. It was amazing that he could really center and get to the point. There are many different areas of planning. His major piece of advice to me was to: 1. Find the area that will be the most fulfilling to me. This means that I need to decide what areas I really want to see change in. I have already decided that: its Real Estate. The second thing is to find my voice. He was telling me that there is an inner battle against making actual change and going to work everyday. Of course, i could graduate and get a job as a Planner 1. In this capacity, I would be ensure that plans that were already crafted met certain regulations that are already in place. As he says, "I didn't spend all this damn money to be a glorified paper pusher".
The second portion of finding your voice is balance. The balance between speaking your mind and keeping your job. There are many interests that need to be served when planning is involved. If you speak up against the wrong interest, you may find that your services will no longer be needed. So according to Andrew J. Greenlee, the guy that I interviewed, I need to find a way to voice my opinions and try to create change and following the dictates of the people that I am hired to serve.

Another thing that we discussed is networking. Mostly, the importance of it. The beginning of the connection is just that: the beginning. These relationships that we are establishing need to be maintained. In this manner, we can gain advantages or information that will help us well after if not years after the initial connection. (because maintaining the relationship will keep you on the brain for future endeavors) Because he, as everyone else says, " it is not what you know but who you know.

This was a great interview. I am sooooo happy that I did this. It will encourage me to do more in the future.

Interview...The hell is that???

I am facing it. It is quite difficult to reach out to people outside of your network. I have shot out plenty of emails most of which, appear to be unanswered. Followed all the tips that I learned in BA200:

1. Subject is a direct link to what the email is regarding.
2. Be short and concise.

Waiting has proven to be torture. Can't give up because this is my future. All I can do is what I know. Everything else will have to fall into line. Hoping that my grade doesn't take a hit because I am waiting on other people.

On the other hand, I have trillions of pursuits. In the exercises where we had to list the five lives that we would like to have, one of mine is was a writer. I love to write. It especially feels good when I can see it in print. Actually, I write for an on-line hip-hop magazine. Although, in infancy, the CEO's goal is to make it a Wikipedia for Hip-Hop. The website is in the works. For now, there is just a blog until the website is up and running.

So, I guess that Barbara Sher was right. You can have more than 1 life at a time. On that note, I am published. It is nothing but a record review but you can't start at the top, right? There is also a blog that I am linking you to. Feel free to check it out and excuse the swears.

Plotting A Plan

There is no easy way to achieve a goal. Work your ass off. Being in the right place at the right time helps. Planning things to a "T". Even the best laid plans may potentially fail. That being said, I would absolutely prefer to plan versus not planning.
My ultimate dream in life is to make an indelible mark on the world around me. I think that being an Urban Planner would be the best vehicle for me. For the most part, it is interdisciplinary which means that I will be able to bring all of my other knowledge and feelings to the table. Anywho, there is not way to know when you have become an Urban Planner so I guess that my goal is just to get a degree and move from there.

EDUCATION:
Bachelor's Degree
Just about done.
Master's Degree

• Need to apply for grad school
• Need to take standardized test (GMAT)
• *not required for MUPP but required for the degree that I am seeking which is a Masters in Real Estate. This is offered through LIATAUD (business)
• Get accepted to grad school
• Ph.D (not really recommended unless your desire is to teach...not my desire!!!) Don't see it...but it could very well happen. Dr. Jackson hmmm....has a nice ring to it LOL

WORK:

• Resumes (send to potential empolyers
• Applications (apply to potential employers)
• Interviews (hopefully said potential employer hires you)
• Work!! In the field or at job of your choice (uh...I mean being an urban planner!)

MY CONTACTS:
I could have lied and put down 5 email addresses from the web of urban planners who don't have the slightest clue who I am. But not going to do that. I was not able to reach anyone. When I do, I will update this blog with that info.

I Still Love H.E.R

I swear...since I saw the movie YES MAN with Jim Carrey (I HATE GOING TO THE MOVIES!!!), I have stopped being such a F*n hermit. People aren't that bad after all. Interesting what happens when you get over the grieving process, past hurts and other foolishness. I am almost a happy camper these days.

I love music. It is a soothing agent in the world that I live. On the in-class activity, I stated that I like listening to music. I decided to follow through on this and go see a play/musical about the history of hip-hop, I Still Love H.E.R. Actually, this was supposed to happen a couple of weeks ago. Since I am of an age to remember when it was good, I was really interested in seeing what the director had to say about the subject. I was not disappointed. Clearly the director, a young guy in his late 20's, had done his homework about the origins of hip-hop. He also correctly stated that not all of it was misogynistic and woman unfriendly. Blah, blah, blah...I had a great time. the show was interactive. I was singing and dancing and the whole nine. It was cool knowing all the words to the songs they played (I grew up on most of it). The thing that bothered me was the play was set in Chicago, the title resembled closely a song that tells the story of hip-hop (written by a Chicago MC), and the song WAS NOT played. I have gone through the trouble of posting the youtube video for those who read this blog and don't know the song that I am talking about.

Assignment Four#4: Discovering Your Pesronality and Touchstone

Exercise#1: What is your Touchstone?

Dream: To be an Urban Planner
Touchstone: To make a visible and permanent mark on the world around me
Role Model: I have read about many urban planners but the only one that sticks out right now is Jane Jacobs.
Target: Have a building named after me. I know this seems pretty silly but unless you are John Stroger, you have to be a big deal or have a lot of money to get a building named after you.

Exercise#2

My personality type is ENFJ, also known as "The Givers" and "The Idealists/Teachers".
Strength of preference:
Extroverted=11%
iNtuitive= 88%
Feeling= 25%
Judging= 67%
Popular and sensitive, with outstanding people skills. Externally focused, with real concern for how others think and feel. Usually dislike being alone. They see everything from the human angle, and dislike impersonal analysis. Very effective at managing people issues, and leading group discussions. Interested in serving others, and probably place the needs of others over their own needs.

According to www.keirsey.com, ENFJ's are idealists. They are best suited to be teachers. For a partial description of Keirsey's explanation of the ENFJ (idealist), click here.
The portrait of an ENFJ can be found here.
The personal growth section for ENFJ's can be found here.
For a listing of ideal careers for the ENFJ, click here.
What Joe But had to say about ENFJ's, click here.

I have found that the description of the ENFJ seems to be dead on for me. I just find it troubling that one of those personality tests has nailed me. Didn't think that it would be that easy to put me in a box. I was raised by a giver so I always knew that I was that. I really don't like when people remind me about the things that I have done for them. That is annoying because I don't give to get things in return. However, I believed I was more realistic than idealistic. According to the description, that was not true. Don't know how to process that information. This road to self-discovery will undoubtedly uncover more falsehoods that I have fed to myself.

Chocolat

This movie is something that I never would have watched had it not been for class. I was so moved by it, I went and bought it. There are many themes in this movie that you can not glean from one time through.
A few of the elements that stood out in my eyes.
The Outcast: Not only was she not liked by the mayor but the townspeople also. It seems that for a while the only people that would speak to her in more than passing were sort of outcasts themselves. One was a woman who refused to accept that she was dying. She decided that she would do what she damn well pleased until it was her time to go. The other was a woman who willingly broke the vows of her marriage after she was broken several times, physically and mentally.
Through all of this, she was the agent of change that brought the town joy and broke them out of the boredom of routine.

The Iron-Fisted Leader: This man would stop at nothing to exert his authority. He was even writing the sermons for the minister. It is a shame that he couldn't use his powers for good. Clearly he was a disciplined, man on a mission. If you give a missile direction, it is deadly.

The Old Faithful: These are the towns people that bought into the myth preached by the mayor. They were strictly business as usual. They were not into things that disrupted the fabric of the existence that they had created for themselves. Surely, the mayor wasn't the only person that was fully on board with the way that the town was run or there would have been revolts.

The Damsel in Distress: She clearly needs to be freed from a prison from which she thought there was no escape. She followed all of the rules and hated it with every ounce of her being. She did it because she didn't have confidence enough in herself to know that she had options. Along comes a free-spirited stranger selling chocolates that would empower her to break free from the jail that was her marriage.

Assignment 3: Understaning Yourself

Pick A Color

I am heather gray. It is the color of the T-Shirt that I am wearing. I go with everything. No one notices me, I fade to the background, everyone needs me, I am a smart choice.

The Private Eye Game


As I look around the room, I see many things. I see organization and clutter. I see several Bibles, a camera, and a pile of clothes sitting in the corner in a bag. They probably need to go to the cleaners, what is the hold-up. I see many textbooks and works of fiction. There are many CD's (of many different genres) in a bin and some laying around. This person obviously loves music and the Lord. There are vitamins and car magazines. Many old notebooks full of class notes. This person has either been in school for a long time or just loves to learn. The kitchen reveals the life of a bachelor. This closet reveals a bunch of shoes and classic clothes: polo shirts, dark denim blue jeans, button-down shirts without flashy colors, and dress clothes hidden between all of this. This person has a outfit for all occasions. The furniture looks bland and probably came with the apartment. Although there is a place for all of the things, there was some clutter to be seen. A tool set seems severely out of place but maybe this person likes to fix things. This person definitely seems to be on the practical side.

Seeing Yourself as Others See You

It felt really weird to do this one. I really feel like I put my cheering section in the ground 7/6/2007. I know that there are other people that cheer for me, I don't always feel it. For the purpose of this assignment, I picked the only two people that I could think of.

Mother: Claire Huxtable (of Cosby Show fame. Couldn't think of anyone on television that made me think of my mother.). As she observes me walk into a room these are a list of things that I think that she notices about me. In no particular order: makes people feel comfortable, gentle spirit, compassionate, wants to meet new people, picky about who he invites into his inner circle, sharp mind, quick wit, thinks fast on his feet, goes with the flow, laid back, boisterous laugh, wide knowledge base makes it easy for him to talk to many people.

Father: Furious Styles (of Boyz In Da Hood Fame, also one of my favorite movies). As he observes me walk into a room these are a list of things that I think that he notices about me. In no particular order: has good posture, looks people in the eye, firm handshake, picks his words carefully, knows how to stay out of trouble, likes to talk, good judge of character, shy until comfortable.

Twenty Things that I Like To Do:
1. Talking to people
2. Reading
3. Writing
4. Walking
5. Listening to music
6. Being with people
7. Watching baseball (in person or on TV)
8. Gaining new information
9. Exploring new cities
10. Giving when possible
11. Making people laugh
12. Buying CD's
13. Sharing information that I have gained with others
14. Fixing things
15. Eating (especially new things)
16. Shopping (especially for electronics)
17. People watch
18. Going on lunch dates
19. Cooking
20. Relaxing

From this exercise, I have learned that many of the things that I like to do involve other people. I see that I like hanging with them, helping them, and taking in new experiences with other people. But there are definitely things that I like to do by myself.

Your Ideal Environment

My ideal environment first and foremost contains people that support my dreams and actually believe that I can achieve them. It contains people that value me and my ideas. It definitely has someone cooking for me. Its not that I can't but... People that care about my well-being are definitely present in my utopia. Also in my utopia is a wife, house with a pool table and "ME TIME" space. Friends that don't gossip and tear me down with a smile plastered on their monkeyball faces. They hold me down when I am slipping. There is a place for all things because there can be NO clutter in my fantasy land.

In this environment, I believe that I would be more productive, selfless, and creative.

Your Ideal Day

In my ideal day, I wake up to the most excellent wife. I say a prayer and thank GOD for all the things that he has done for me and saved me from. I look onto the backyard from my patio annexed to my bedroom window. Lake Michigan looks very serene and calming this time of morning. I run on the treadmill for about a half an hour. Then I take a hot shower. While putting on my clothes, I am listening to music. After that I go and have breakfast with my wife: eggs, pancakes, and turkey sausage. We compare schedules and talk about things that will transpire in the evening. After that, I am out the door to the office. I jump in my Porsche 911 turbo to get to work. Once I arrive at work, I have thousands of emails and phone calls waiting on me because I am kind of a big deal urban planner. After responding to the most urgent calls and emails, I am whisked away for meetings that last until lunch. I lunch with friends. When lunch is over, I am out of the office and in the field. Truly making a difference and touching people's lives.
When I am at home from work. There is a red-meat free dinner waiting for me. We discuss current events with friends over jazz and drinks. When our friends leave, I finish up a album review that I didn't want to write because the artist sucks. I end my nite the same way that the day started, in bed with my wife, talking about having children.

FANTASY ANALYSIS

1. Indispensable: employment, wife, music (jazz), prayer, conversation,exercise, a place in the house for me time that includes a pool table, friends (close and near)

2. Optional but desirable: ironing my clothes, writing

3. Frills: backyard of Lake Michigan, Porsche 911 turbo

4. If I only get the indispensable items of my fantasy, I am living the life that I have asked for. Don't know how much more I could want except for frills. I really wouldn't need anything else.

5. Elements that I have now: music, employment (although what I do now is FAR FROM MY CAREER CHOICE), prayer, exercise (somewhat).

6. Parts of my adjusted fantasy that are missing from my real life are: wife, career choice job, conversation that I enjoy, friends (this one is a bit sketchy cause I need a NEW SET), house, and pool table.

7. Things stopping me from having my ideal life tomorrow: Finishing school, marriage, time management, and money.

Assignment #2

PART ONE (Interviewing your primary caregiver)

Interviewing my primary caregiver was not possible for me. I lost her after a short battle with gastric cancer on 7/6/2007. I can imagine what she would say but can't force myself to type that out. It was pretty much me and her against the world. I can't believe that I don't have people in my life that can comment on my youth since my mother was 17 years old when I was born. I would have thought that more people would have been willing to "help a sistah out". The only person that I could think of still owes me a favor about getting me some of my mom's pictures. We haven't spoken since my birthday in 2006. Didn't really think that it would be prudent for me to email her with this. But in her defense, I am sure that she would have been more than happy to do it since she is a principal in the Chicago Public Schools.

PART THREE (Do something that you like to do)

One of the things that I said that I liked to do is talk to people. Some friends and I were going to see this show(musical) I Still Love H.E.R. That sounded really cool and I was looking forward to it. Then my phone decided that I hadn't paid it enough attention. It sent over 100 texts to the same person in the span of 15 minutes. While this was happening, my friends were trying to call me and tell me that that they were picking me up. Because my DAMN phone was acting stoopid, the plans were changed. We ended going to a comedy show that didn't start till 10:30. The musical started at 7:30. This gave us PLENTY of time to talk and socialize. This was pretty cool even though constantly being asked to give my opinion like I represent every man on the planet gets annoying after about 20 minutes. The comedy was a great time. It was definitely something that I would do. But if I had known that it was a gay comedy show before I plopped my big ass in the seat, I probably wouldn't have. Some would say that is being closed minded. But, I guess we can't judge every book by its cover.

Assignment #2...To my 5 Friends.

To my Friends...My nutjob teacher from Leadership for Change (she told us to say that hoping that you all wouldn't be playing around and answer the question) wants me to interview 5 people that I call friends. I only have one question to ask.

1. WHAT DO YOU THINK ARE MY GREATEST GIFTS/STRENGTHS?

We all know that I think I am great but what do you think??? Feel free to add to the cipher.

Who Do You Think That You Are?

1. I am taking this class because I took Dr. Rockquemore last semester. I loved the class(Black Families) and the energy that she brings to the class. I figure that I would try it again. I do hope that the letter grade that I receive this time is better than the one that I got on the last go round. Who knew that you actually had to go to class to get a good grade? Who woulda thunk it?

2. I hope to learn something new about me. People rarely have a perception of themselves that is accurate. I would like to think that I do but since losing my mother in 2007, I have learned some things about myself that I don't particularly care for. So I am hoping that the change will start with me so I can lead myself down a better path. No need to care for a bunch of other people's bags. They are just weighing me down.

3. As a child, I was fascinated by many things. Sports cars, the dream of being a third baseman for the Chicago Cubs.
I believe that I used my sense of sight the most. I was always looking around. I didn't really talk much. Some of it was not thinking that I had anything to say and some of it was fear. Analytical now and then too, I would process what I saw in my brain. I spent a lot of time doing that so it didn't leave me much time to speak. Hearing was a very close second. There were many things to be heard. There was the every Sunday morning argument between my maternal grandmother and her husband. These arguments were flavored with words that I would have gotten a beating for using but it was always interesting. Then being sent to the store with a note so I could bring back cigarettes, bread, eggs, and the Sunday paper.
I really thought that I was going to be a baseball player. I would play in the house by myself. Tearing stuff up and daydreaming about being at the plate at the bottom of the ninth with the bases loaded and 2 outs took up a lot of the daydreaming in my childhood. Of course, when I got to high school that dream was crushed but I still did it. Hell, I still daydream about that now. I don't daydream about my father being proud of me anymore. I no longer care. It was good to get past that phase where I swore that I would mug him if I saw him on the street.
Those earlier dreams didn't really point to any special talents for me. I still want to help people. The thing is to figure out how. Up until my first year at UIC, I thought that I was going to be an accountant. That dream was crushed, then I discovered that I have no real passion for it. I have taken other classes but I still end up with business somewhere in the mix. So I will do things that I think are appropriate and let Heaven lead the way.

4. Emailed my aunt.